sticking power

looking back on 2021 and the things that made an impression.

Consider this a bonus edition.

It feels harder to reflect on this year than any year before it. Maybe that’s because 2020 was so bad in such a new, world-altering way that I had higher hopes for 2021—but it turned out to be a hard slog of its own.

Last year on a whim, I sent a version of this year-end review email to a few of you. I wanted to stop and reflect on what I consumed all year long, to mark a moment in time, particularly after a year of non-stop bad news. It turned out to be a helpful practice for me. As I sat down to compile my 2021 standouts, I was suddenly swamped with two emotions: first disappointment, then shame. The books and media I consumed this year feel less diverse, less ambitious than the year before—and that was year one of a pandemic when I was pregnant! I should have achieved more. This started a spiral of wallowing. Parts of 2021 have been very hard for me, particularly the last quarter, although not in an easily quantifiable way.

I do feel disappointed, I do feel sad, and I do feel like I should I have done more or done differently. I closed my laptop, slid my empty wine glass across the bar top, and walked out into the cold and then into my loud, warm, chaotic house full of boys—surely intending to leave this email in the drafts and never send it.

Later, I happened across this picture on my phone.

I snapped it eating brunch in late August. I was flying solo with the kids as Jivan had just left for a long work trip. All the boys were behaving so nicely, Alex at GB&D brought the baby a free bowl of figs and berries, the sunlight was round and golden, and later that afternoon, when my dear friends Walker and Kacie invited us to tag along for an impromptu Table Rock picnic and swim, I threw sammies and swimsuits in a bag and went, without worrying about short naps or late bedtimes on a school night. Seeing this picture reminded me of how incredibly happy I felt that entire day. And that prompted other happy memories from the year to swim up, like tiny bubbles just before water boils.

The year was not all bad. Obviously, but I needed the reminder. It was a hard year, a try and try again year. Some years are like that. Yet looking back—in this case, at the physical proof of happiness on my camera roll—offered context I was missing. Forced me to zoom out. This is why reflection really matters. It’s not just a moony practice for people who are really in-tune with their feelings (me), but an essential tool for leading a clear, purposeful life that aligns to your values. So I decided to send the email anyway, a mile marker for some future version of myself. Here’s my one request: I really, really, really want you to reply or comment with a standout from your year—books, articles, a playlist, a favorite ice cream flavor, whatever. One of my very favorite books I read this year and probably ever (The Overstory) came from someone who replied last year!

Last thing: for a while now, I’ve transitioned from one year to the next by working through a winding list of self-reflection and vision-setting questions. I didn’t do it last year because, well, it was 2020. I felt its absence though, especially now as I try to look back on 2021. So if you didn’t already spend your Dead Week doing some year-end reflecting and goal-setting, here’s the link for the questions I like to use, revised and shortened this year.

Thank you for reading along this year. I wish you a NYE that feels both alive with possibility and grounded in comfort.

2021 standouts

articles

Alison Roman Just Can’t Help Herself // Lauren Collins, The New Yorker
Growing My Faith in the Face of Death // Tim Keller, The Atlantic
What It Was like Growing up on a Commune // Kathryn Jezer-Morton, The Nation
Rothko and the Beauty of Becoming // John Ehrett, Transpositions
In the Age of Trump, Can Mr. Rogers Help Us Manage Our Anger? // David Dark, America Magazine (this headline does not do this thoughtful piece justice at all)
The Risk of Gentleness: Welcoming the Baby I Did Not Want // Gracy Olmstead, Plough
I Had a Chance to Travel Anywhere. Why Did I Pick Spokane?, Jon Mooallem, The New York Times Magazine
The Fourth State of Matter // Jo Ann Beard, The New Yorker (1996)
America Has a Drinking Problem // Kate Julian, The Atlantic
Dignity Beyond Accomplishment // Justin Hawkins, Mere Orthodoxy

books

The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz, Erik Larson
The Overstory, Richard Powers
Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers, Dane Ortlund
Strange Rites: New Religions for a Godless World, Tara Isabella Burton
Transcendent Kingdom, Yaa Gyasi
Sorrow and Bliss, Meg Mason
The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, Michelle Alexander
Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived in that House, Meghan Daum
Gilead, Marilynne Robinson
Dept. of Speculation, Jenny Offill

podcasts/episodes

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, Christianity Today
How the Real Estate Boom Left Black Neighborhoods Behind, The Sunday Read (NYT)
Parental Rights in Public Schools, Advisory Opinions
The Unlikely Pioneer Behind mRNA Vaccines, The Daily
The Place We Find Ourselves: Engaging with Someone Who Has Harmed You series
Under the Influence series, Jo Piazza — I have to add a strong caveat to this one. I found the content (an investigation into the world of “momfluencers” and the billions behind the commodification of motherhood) fascinating. But, I found the entire narrative framing, the author’s portrayal of “real” motherhood as constant misery, and the constant language to be *really* grating.

ephemera

Post House Inn, every inch of it
painting the dining room a perfect color
having friends over to eat grilled chicken thighs with anytime herby marinade
the What’s for Dinner GroupMe
oyster party for my 32nd birthday
Saturday morning runs
painting my nails, the concept
dailyoffice2019.com (Book of Common Prayer’s daily readings online)
tropical coconut Body Armor
a color-coded family Google calendar
I Bet You Think This Drink Is About You (EXILE Bar)
clean sheets every Friday
moroccan chickpea tagine with tomato jam
off-white overalls
AlexandraCooks.com for never steering me wrong this year

Tell me what made an impression for you! Happy new year.